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Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Not-Being-Able-To-Sleep Post

Arrggghhh! It's the third night in a row that I haven't been able to sleep properly and NO, it has nothing to do with anything from the previous post.

It's just that whenever I do get to sleep, I feel like its only been a couple of seconds then I wake up again... to find that it really has been only a couple of seconds. Every couple of hours, this happens. I don't know the cause of at all. Psychological reasons may be there, but I have no clue what they are. Physical reasons aren't there. My body is in good shape, aside from the slight flu from the weather change. (Oh, that reminds me: people kept asking me if I cut my hair, I'm just like blank: I haven't cut it in so long... My hair changes with the seasons or something).

I've read Bismillah 20 times, read the Do'a, read a couple of Surahs from the top of my head(not in the literal sense), tried exhausting myself to sleep and so far, it's been the same result. I can't even doze off in class! Not because of the insomnia, but because students actually need to study when they're in the 11th grade.

I've tried pinpointing the possible causes... maybe I'm starting to miss Saif and now that he's coming back, I'm excited? Or is it since all the Bodoness are back? It could possibly be the fact that a lot of my family members are coming here.

Then, I tried to logically reason why these aren't the causes: I do miss Saif, but even if he was here, we don't actually interact much with one another. Usually, when we do, it's to bully Muhaimin, or a family fun gathering. The only thing we do all the time together is watch T.V. together. I like watching T.V. with him... He's one of the only family members I have that doesn't have the urge to comment on every single bit of every single second of each and every single show! Yeah, I have T.V. complexes.

The Bodoness might be all here in Dubai... but it's just not the same. And plus, I'm wrong when I say all of them are here... Najwa isn't. Everyone's so busy. Well, maybe not but it just feels like we're not as close as we used to be. Maybe that's a side-effect of growing up or meeting new people, but I really hate whatever it is. I like all of them - Anum, Najwa, Aida, and Haziq - but things got simply complicated. And no - this is not the cause as it was complicated even before I had insomnia.

The last point could be the main reason. In Dubai, we've never really had that big of a family gathering before. Some anticipation of what's going to happen may be disturbing my mind; what are we going to do together, where should we go, how would they feel after their visit... Well, if these weren't in my head before, they are now.

But yet again, I found a solution to my problem as I'm typing this post. I like blogging... it clears my head. Giving advice to other people is so easy, it's just like giving out candy but it's so hard when you need to take your own advice. My brain just told me to roll with the punches and enjoy every last minute of it. We're a family, everything works out somehow. Where can we go? WE'RE IN DUBAI! One of the biggest tourist vacation spots in the world! Pfft.. waste of time worrying.

Hmm.. I just tried to sleep since I've already reasoned out the possibilities, but nope.. still not happening. (Real-time posting) I'll be possibly awake if anyone can come up with a suggestion.

Wow.. The posts are a lot more messed up when I don't get sleep.


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